Murdering my In-laws

Today I have decided that I am going to murder my in-laws. The motive you ask? They constantly try to run my life. They constantly dominate the time that we are in Springfield regardless of the reason for our visit. Case in point: This weekend we are going up there for my nephew's baptism. The blood-sucking time-vampire in-laws called last night to tell us that we would be going out to eat with them on Saturday night. Dinner is fine....who would turn down a free dinner out? ME! Let me tell you why: Dinner with them is a four hour affair.

Then they called back to inform us that we will also be going out for lunch at some new place.

I mean, really, just never mind the fact that I have my own family and friends that I would like to visit.....

We will see how it all goes. These people make me crazy!

Let it go

Ok.........I ended up not doing it. I let her pass in peace this morning. The Lord prefers it that way.

Fun with Pedestrians

Every morning between 6:30 and 6:45 the same lady walks her dog by my house. For some reason this lady has always annoyed me. If my dogs happen to be out on the screened in porch she makes ugly faces at them (which is not to a far stretch as she is already pretty ugly) if they bark. Furthermore, her dog is one of those little mutant dogs that looks like it has been chasing parked cars. Well, today she decided to allow this little alien-dog to drop a dukie on my boulevard. Fine, nature is nature, it is hard to stop a dog that wants to poop. However, western society has in is possession these wonderful little devices that are handy for so many things: bags. Did she use one? No!

I waited until she was a good ten paces away before I said from the porch, "Hey don't worry about that. I will clean it up."

She did not respond. However, I know she heard me because she and her little freak-dog disappeared around the corner with a quickened pace.

So, I have an idea for tomorrow morning. I know from past experience that she is afraid of my dog. Therefore, tomorrow he will sit out on the porch with me with hes leash on. As soon as she gets if front of my house, Pow! Quigley is going to shoot out the front door barking to beat the band. I bet that I will have another pile of poop to clean up!

"Vengeance is mine" says the Lord.
No, in this case vengeance is MINE.

Never a Dull Moment

There is another classroom mishap story that I feel I should share. The other day one of my students was going around the room handing out pencils. I thought to myself, "That is nice of him. He must have brought them from home and is just showing kindness to his classmates." Then, I took a closer look at the pencils....They were my pencils!!!!! He took them from the cup near my desk and decided to just hand them out for the heck of it. This was a moment when one has to watch one's tongue in the classroom. There were so many things that I wanted to say....but I did not say any of them. I remained calm and nobody cried.

I have another post to make later.....but for now I have some actual work to do.

Skating Fish

Ok....so here I am again. I have not been active in the blog world for some time and I am starting to miss venting my opinions out to the greater world. (Or, at least whoever happens to read this.)

I really do feel like venting today. One of my "star students" (read that as "pain in the neck") somehow managed to knock over the fishbowl sending shards of glass, rocks, water, and a very surprised beta sliding across the classroom floor. It is all cleaned up now and the teacher across the hall provided me with a new bowl for the fish. She even put rocks, water, and a de-chlorinating tablet in it for me. How nice of her to help. But, that does not change the fact that I am just really ticked off about the whole situation. However, I bet I am not nearly as ticked as the poor fish that went skating across the floor with no warning. Well, in the final analysis, I guess that it was not a real big deal....perhaps it is just indicative of my desire to get out for the summer!

Well...I should sign off for today. I am hoping it will not rain today. Not for a special reason...I just don't want rain today.

What a Day

Today is an odd day. I attended a funeral mass this morning only to be called in the middle of it to be told that another member of our chrurch has passed away. This disturbs me because I see a lot more caskets than baptisms these days. I fear for the future of our church. Perhaps I just have a gloomy outlook on this because there were about five deaths in the last month. However, that makes five caskets and I cannot remember the last time I saw a baptism.

What does the future hold? I know that the Lord told us that the gates of hell shall not overtake His Church. But, he did not say anything about the embalming table doing it!

Hope tomorrow is death free...

Max

Guinea Pigs: Not the Brightest Crayons in the Box

My classroom is populated by one teacher, 13 students, one gerbil, and two guinea pigs. Today I would like to discuss the guinea pigs. Every morning while my students are working on their morning work assignments, I clean up the guinea pig cage. It is a very unexciting task, at least to me. However, there is a part that I find interesting. The dirtiest part of their cage is consistently the little plastic “house” in which they sleep. This is always the part of the cage that exhibits wet bedding and lots of good old number two. Everyday I ask myself the same question: Why would they do their business right where they sleep? After all the concept of crate-training for dogs is that they will not do their bathroom business where they sleep. I suppose the dog brain is just bigger than the guinea pig brain, but still, why would they want to sit in their own stuff? I mean, come on, they only have to walk like five inches to take their business outside of the “house”. I guess that is why guinea pigs never got to be known as “man’s best friend”.

For now,
Max